break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
