to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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