So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
