Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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