Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
