Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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