I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
