Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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