What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize