Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
