There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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