I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
