Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
