I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
do herpes really smell.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
