So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
