I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
