a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
