Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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