We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
