What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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