She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
