Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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