I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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