if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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