So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize