are you so shy because you have an std?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
