So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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