Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
