I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
