So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
