haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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