her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
