I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
