he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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