I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
