yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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