No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
