If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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