Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
