Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
only if we run a train.
done.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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