So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
