All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
as a side note pls kill me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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