playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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