My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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