3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
