If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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