we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
its liver damage thursday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
