dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
