The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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