No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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