So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
