he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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