I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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