thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
