I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
