he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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