Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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