dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize