he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
