We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
