I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
