So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
