At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
