My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
whose parrot is this?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
