i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So many bounce houses so little time
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
