if i can run in heels then i can drive
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
