can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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