Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
