Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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