My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize