Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
