No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
