There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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