I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
