Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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