It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
