Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
