The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize