Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
