Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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