Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
