the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
