I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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