it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
