I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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