i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
