this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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