Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
