I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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