So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
