well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
